Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Things I Learned On My Christmas Vacation


Yes, it has officially been a WHOLE YEAR since I last blogged. Okay...so it's only been a couple of weeks...but it WAS 2010 when I wrote my last entry. So, I've finally snagged some time in between the hacking coughs of me, my husband and my two kids, to write down some interesting tidbits that have happened in the past few days/weeks, etc.

These are a few of the things I've learned:

1) The holidays and divorced families make for many extended journeys, tired parents, and CRAZY kids. As most parents know taking a child ANYWHERE for a prolonged period is a task. You have to basically pack everything that is in your house into your tiny car (just in case you MIGHT need it), drive to someone's house with one kid screaming (of course, it's the one in the rear facing car seat, so that you have to dislocate your shoulder to try and "soothe" them) and the other one embarrassingly glued to a portable movie device of some sort in hopes of having some semblance of a quiet ride. Then you have to unpack the car, set it up at the new house, use 0.25% of what you brought, tear it down and re-jenga it back into the sliver of a trunk you have.



All the while crossing your fingers that the kids are so tired, since they didn't nap, didn't eat anything of nutritional value, and are uncomfortable in their holiday clothing (As an aside - why do we find it absolutely necessary to pretend our kids are well put together during the holidays???



WHO ARE WE FOOLING????) that they fall asleep in the car (but double crossing your fingers that you DON'T fall asleep at the wheel while your husband snores drunkenly in the passenger seat! )

Lesson Learned - Keep the holiday celebrations in your own house. Mental note for next year.


2) Buy 2 presents for your kids. One from Santa and one from you. And screw the stockings. We had a billion things to open. One of my kid's played with the boxes while the other played with the toy that the first one got. Most gifts remain wrapped for "another occasion". WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY? I think so.




3) Let people hold your kids. These are the times that someone else is willing to play with your kid for free and then pass them along to someone else who is willing to play with your kid for free. Who cares if they have mono, scarlet fever, flesh eating disease or a criminal record. Just let them play and take a moment for yourself. And your kids are gonna get sick. Period. It's that time of year. It's unavoidable.



4) Schedule SCHMEDULE. Not something I follow necessarily, as I'm a complete and utter anal-retentive nut job...but I think I heard those two words a hundred million times...I guess I just waited for the sugar rush to crash...and hoped that they slept through the night.


5) Trying to breastfeed your baby in the company of close guy friends gets old and awkward. They don't want to see your boobs. You don't want them to see your boobs. You do whatever you can do be in the same room while concealing your boobs...ugh! If I had a photo to show you of my baby buried under a pillow tent (and suffocating no doubt) I'd put it up...but I'll save that for my Children's Aid trial. The things we (read I) sacrifice for a few moments of New Years Eve socialization.

6) Toddler Beds are LAME. Why did I think spending money on a stinkin' plastic toddler bed was a good idea? (Yes, although this has nothing to do with the holidays, it IS something that I discovered DURING the holidays, so I'm bringing it up. Bear with me here.) In my attempt to make the transition from crib to big boy bed easier, my husband and I shelled out some serious cash to purchase a FIRE TRUCK toddler bed for my kid to sleep in. Granted, the transition was a piece of cake, but he must've bonked his head about a buzillion times in the one year that we had it. He's too big. He's always been too big, obviously. And now we're selling it...any takers????



7) Solid Foods are tedious. It's been about an eon since I last fed a child pureed this and that. I'm on day 3 of rice cereal and already I want my daughter to take the spoon in her own hand and feed herself. Admittedly, she super effin' cute with a pasty rice beard...so maybe I'll hang tough. I also haven't been privy to the solid food poop yet...but I've got my smelling salts handy for that puppy.




8) Who ever said crying it out doesn't work is LYING. A pair of earplugs is a mother's best friend until a baby who sleeps through the night takes its place. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz



9) A cleaning service is overrated. Pay someone to watch your kids and clean it yourself. It's cheaper and you'll have it cleaned the way you want it.




Needless to say, my Christmas vacation was extremely eventful and enlightening. Let's hope that 2011 brings lots of health, long sleeps and helping hands for both you AND me!!!