You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About You

...er wait...it IS about me.



This post is strictly about vanity... and the price a mom-to-be, and eventually a mom, pays when she signs up for the most difficult job in the universe. Because I'm convinced that this is my LAST pregnancy, I'm very focused on getting back in shape once that kid is out! After my last pregnancy, I admit I was a bit lax when it came to exercising. Breast feeding was an amazing experience (for weight loss....um...and I guess for bonding?), as it got me well below my pre-pregnancy weight after about a year. THEN I stopped...And the weight came creeping back up, and up, and up, until I basically had no choice but to either a) exercise (or risk the chance that I would become morbidly obese, as I was gaining close to a pound a month!!!) or b) get pregnant again. I guess we all know what choice I made. Getting pregnant is so much easier than peeling one's butt off the couch to actually exert oneself, no?



Anyway, I've made it a goal of mine to get back down to the weight that I was a year after my son was born again. I know I can do it, since I did it before. It's just a matter of MAINTAINING it. The other issue that I found (and it may just be my experience, or an experience that many c-section moms have in common) was getting back my flat stomach. Even though I weighed less than my pre-pregnancy weight a mere year and a half ago, my stomach still had a bit of a gunt happening. (For definition of gunt, please see post #1). Now, getting that flat tummy may pose to be slightly difficult to get, as I'm having major surgery (maybe I can convince my OB to give me a little tummy tuck while I'm under the knife...? Isn't that what all the celebrities do?) but I've promised myself to give it my best college try.


So, for all those who don't know...the body goes through a lot of changes post-pregnancy and it takes some time to get back to normal (if you don't have a chef, personal trainer, plastic surgeon or strong inclination towards anorexia or bulimia). And the Hollywood standard makes it even more difficult to justify those extra 5-10 pounds that are most impossible to lose, even after a year post birth. I mean, if Gisele can be skinnier than she has ever been 4 months after giving birth to her little guy, surely EVERYONE can do it (please note: she also only gained a mere handful of pounds because she didn't feel it was necessary to turn her body into a "garbage disposal", and didn't use any sort of medication during labour - SHE IS A GODDESS, no? ) Please tell me you got my sarcasm here...




So, with a few obstacles in my way (including age, second pregnancy, c-section, garbage disposal pregnancy body), I felt it was best to look into what I could do to get myself started. Obviously Gisele brags that she did Kung Fu twice a week and yoga 3 times a week before she gave birth...but me? Not so much. I'm lucky to get my whale ass in the pool once a week to float around with other trashcan bodied moms (with the exception of Etobicoke's very own Gisele), and I hardly think that chasing around a two year old constitutes heavy exertion (especially when my butt is usually planted firmly on a park bench or swing)...Exercise at this point in my pregnancy is most likely not an option (mostly because I'm lazy)...So what can I do?


Well, I felt like I should look to other moms whose bodies I admire to see what they recommend...and this is who I came up with:

Brooke Burke (who I think is one of the prettiest no-namers in Hollywood). Again, I realize that she's technically a "celebrity", so she has access to a personal trainer and a chef, and she WAS married to a plastic surgeon once upon a time...but all those things aside, she's had 3 kids and her body looks like this:

So what does Ms. Burke recommend? She advocates a sensible diet and exercise (blah, blah, blah...where's the quick fix here????) AND belly binding.

BINGO!

Now you're talking...So, where do I find out more about this? The Internet, of course! Essentially it's a girdle that wraps around the abdominal area and it's intended to reduce the swelling of the uterus, support the abdominal muscles after surgery (I'm likin' it. I can use the excuse that it's a surgical bandage! Wicked! See, I'm not so vain after all. I NEED it!) as well as help to support the back and legs. This wrap can also help moms fit into pre-pregnancy clothes earlier (...now I'm really likin' it!). They do, however, have to be worn 24 hours a day for 6-8 weeks to see any results (no pain, no gain, right?). So, it looks like these wraps are miracle workers, right? What next? I logged on to amazon.com, of course, and ordered myself up 2...one a medium and one a small (one never knows what size they'll be right after the baby's born, right?). They have arrived all crisp and white in their little packages waiting to give me the waist line I've been dreaming of.



I know it seems too good to be true. Can you really just wear a stinkin' tensor bandage around your midsection for a couple of measly weeks and your stomach will be flat? Probably not, but it eases my mind a bit knowing that I've taken my first step to Mom Jean Refusal. I mean, I'm clearly too young (?) to look like this, right??