Oops I Did It Again...??????

Because my kids have decided to boycott sleep this past week. I've spent a lot of time awake in my bed thinking. And Lord knows that when you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking, one ends up conjuring up RIDICULOUS scenarios in their head.

One night, very late into the wee hours, I felt an odd fluttering in my tummy. One that made me think back to what seems like EONS ago when I felt the first butterflies of my little fetuses (or is it feti?) flubbering around in my ENORMOUSLY HUGE gut. Once I got that vision in my head I couldn't get it out. What if I was pregnant???? I starting thinking about why I was feeling so terribly tired these past few days...and crap, didn't I feel a bit nauseous on Friday in the morning when I woke up? Maybe I was being so monstrous this past week because my hormones were all outta whack? Is that why I didn't lose any weight this past week? Am I going to have to change the name of my blog???

And more importantly, will I have the dreaded toilet baby because I think I've gotta take a crap, but really I'm in labour????

OH NO! WHAT HAVE WE DONE????????????????????????

Then I started thinking about what would happen if I really was pregnant. I'm having a difficult enough time with two. Imagine throwing another one in the mix...If I was truly pregnant and I was feeling it move, I was probably just into my second trimester, which means the baby would be coming in another 5 1/2 months. I knew that stinkin' 6 week gynecological check up was going to be the death of me. If this new baby was that far along, my little girl would not even be a year old when this new one came. My pulse started racing. My breathing starting to quicken...and I started feeling sick to my stomach...wait a minute...maybe that was morning sickness..........

WHY DIDN'T I GET MY TUBES TIED WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE????????????????

Then I got up, rocked my little girl back to sleep, took a deep breath and really analyzed the situation. Okay, dude. Let's think rationally... you had broccoli and cauliflower for dinner (a recipe for gas), you're tired because you have had 13 hours sleep in the past 6 days (which also explains the irrational thinking), you feel sick to your stomach because you're overtired and you've gained weight because you've been eating pound cake and chips and dip at a breakneck pace. Good grief! Get that silly thought out of your head!

But really, how does a nursing mom know if she's pregnant? What are the tell tale signs???? It's no wonder there are countless episodes of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". Wait a minute. Don't tell me. I don't need my mind to go off the rails again after I've talked myself off that ledge.

So, I crossed "pregnancy test" off my shopping list and let out a big sigh of relief. I'm just being a lunatic. If I pretend it's not happening, it won't right???????