Bigfoot Sighting in Etobicoke!

There are lots of things I understand about pregnancy. I get that ones belly expands to make room for the fetus to grown. I understand that a girl that was once called "the wall" in elementary school resembles Dolly Parton as she closes out her third trimester. I also understand that one can retain so much water/excess blood to prepare for the impending birth that some could mistake her for Jerry Lewis (you know who you are, jerk-o!). I also get the aches and pains that come along with carrying the extra weight. What I wasn't aware of was the changing of the feet size. A lot of people asked me after my toddler was born if my feet had grown, or if I'd lost my arch. I was shocked. Of course they didn't. My body expanded to accommodate the fetus and that was that. I mean, my kid was long, but he didn't reach all the way to my toes! What would be the need for my feet to expand?


Well, wouldn't you know that when I went to put my shoes on for work yesterday NOTHING would fit. I tried on 7 different pairs of shoes before I could find ones that I could squeeze my Fred Flintstoners in to. Now, you may ask yourself, as I did..."WHY THE FEET???" Is it not enough that everything else has to get bigger? Can't I just hang on to one little bit of normalcy? Honestly? I guess it's asking too much.

With much time on my hands (being the only person in my household awake at 6am), I did a little internet searching to find out why I am being punished so. This is what I found:

(From www.babycenter.com/404_i-think-my-feet-have-grown-is-this-possible-9428.com)

"The aptly named pregnancy hormone relaxin, which loosens the joints around your pelvis so your baby can make his way down the birth canal, also loosens the ligaments in your feet, causing the foot bones to spread. Your foot bones aren't actually growing - it's just that the ligaments that hold these 26 bones together aren't as tight as they were".

Okay, obviously this little beaner didn't get the memo that he/she didn't NEED to make its way down the birth canal this time ...therefore the Relaxin technically wasn't necessary. So, in addition to my stomach not ever being as tight as it once was, and my boobs becoming deflated rocks in socks, I now have to count my feet on my list of body parts that will never look the same after birth. Ugh! To make matters worse, the foot growth is permanent. I can't head to the gym postpartum to get my feet back in shape. Nope. It doesn't work that way. Once a bigfoot, always a bigfoot.

Now, after doing my research on "Pregnancy Foot Growth", I was curious as to what other fun things I may get to encounter this time around... those include (but are NOT limited to):

* Teeth problems (I experienced this during pregnancy #1 and was thankful that my husband's benefits covered my two root canals, 1 gum graft and 11 fillings. It could've been a VERY costly affair! I can't wait to see what I get this time around!)

* Skin discoloration/acne (I haven't experienced this one yet, thankfully, but with a little less than 8 weeks to go, I won't count myself safe just yet!)

* Thicker (...and then thinning) hair (I'm not sure I ever had the "thick" portion of this, but I can tell you that I was pulling out clumps of hair like it was going out of style shortly after the birth of my son)

* Leg cramps (Check!)

* Butt pain (Apparently there are occasions when a women's bum gets pins and needles during pregnancy if the fetus is sitting in a certain position and pinching certain nerves. Needless to say, I've (so far) been spared this literal pain in the ass.)

AND LAST, BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST:

* Varicose vaginal veins (Good Lord! Even if I had the capacity to get my eyes down to that location at this point, I'm not sure what I'd even be looking for. Sounds gross, so I'm quite happy to pretend like I never even read that!)


Now, there is always a silver lining to any black cloud, right? And you ladies out there know where I'm going with this...With big feet comes big shoes! I get to buy a whole new shoe wardrobe! Move over Imelda Marcos, cuz I'm ready to rock! So, when I bat my doe eyes at my husband as he passes me his overused Mastercard, all I can say is, "It's not my fault. The baby's making me do it!"